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Search For LoveThe search for love is really a search for the oneness of ourselves. We mistakenly think the other half of out true self is a separate entity but in reality the part we seek is waiting to be discovered within us. For most of us to find that part, we must first recognize it in another person. By seeking oneness in another we unconsciously hope to find oneness in ourselves and from that find oneness in all. The search for love is a search for truth and trust. But to truly find truth and trust in another, we must first find those qualities in ourselves. As we grow to love another person and realize we are accepted and loved by that person, we began to love ourselves, which leads us to the discovery of that part which completes us. Finding our other half in another person is a good thing unless the search for our undiscovered self becomes a game of using that person for our personal gain instead of our personal growth. We know the search for our undiscovered self is off track when we only want a part of the other person. For most of us that part is located below the waist. This is a search for distraction and pleasure, neither of which are wrong in themselves unless they become the goal rather than the starting point. Love often starts as a sexual attraction. If love ends there, personal growth cannot occur and dissatisfaction grows. The intensity of our search grows as does the dissatisfaction with our findings. Life becomes a series of one-night stands and all the while we try to tell ourselves we just haven’t found the right person. The problem is we aren’t looking for a person but only for what that person can or cannot do for our pleasure. We are not only using the other person, we are using ourselves and we cannot stop long enough to recognize our actions for the failure they are. The union between two is but a symbol for the union between ourselves and the divine. How can we expect to truly unite with the One if we cannot live in harmony and peace with the one we love? While it is true that the union of two is severely restricted by these containers we call bodies, this earthly union is but a small sample of the true spiritual union we will experience when we continue beyond this material realm. To find love, one must learn to trust. Love is possible without trust but that is a general love not a special love between trusting people. Trust of the other person is as necessary as the trust of oneself. Without self-trust you cannot trust another no matter how faithful or how loving he or she is. The real question is: "Can you develop or learn self-trust without self-love?" Both are like the two wheels on a bicycle. While with much effort and skill a bicycle can be ridden with only one wheel, two wheels make things easier. Concentration goes toward the destination instead of toward keeping the bicycle upright just as love and trust help two people go forward in life rather than concentrate on the problems. Self-love and self-trust can only grow in magnitude if we help the other to become what he or she really wants to be. Author: Don Miller
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2003 Articles |
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